Maroc - NEWSDAY.CO.TT - A la Une - 19/Nov 05:21

International Men’s Day: Supporting men and boys

BAVINA SOOKDEO In the past, boys often heard phrases like “be a man” or “boys don’t cry,” shaping them into men who felt they had to hide their emotions rather than express them in healthy ways. As we observe International Men’s Day (November 19) and Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, mental health practitioner Amanda Ackbarali urges a deeper, more compassionate understanding of the emotional challenges men face – and the culturally grounded support needed to help them overcome these struggles. Ackbarali, a mental health practitioner since 2010, holds a bachelor’s in psychology and a master’s in mediation studies from the UWI. She has been a board-certified civil and family mediator since 2013. As a counsellor, mediator, trainer and advocate for marginalised populations, she has worked extensively with survivors of violence, trafficked persons, youth offenders and families in crisis. She now leads The Opening Lotus, the mental health practice she founded in 2018 to provide accessible, culturally grounded care. Common issues affecting men Ackbarali said the most common mental health issues affecting men include depression, anxiety, burnout and unresolved grief, often showing up as stress, anger or emotional withdrawal. However, Ackbarali explained that at the heart of many issues, so much often comes back to relationships – with loved ones, partners, colleagues and most importantly, with oneself. “What often brings a man into therapy may look like relationship problems or work stress,” she said, “but underneath, we usually uncover themes of boundaries, self-management, work-life balance and a quiet desire to become better, not just for others, but for themselves.” She often notes that men don’t usually seek counselling because they are “mentally ill.” Instead, she explained, “They come because something in life has stopped making sense, and they’re ready to find a new way to understand it. That moment of honesty is often where progress begins.” [caption id="attachment_1191175" align="alignnone" width="768"] Mental health practitioner Amanda Ackbarali urges a deeper, more compassionate understanding of the emotional challenges men face. -[/caption] Ackbarali believes men’s mental health often goes unspoken or untreated – especially in Trinidad and Tobago. She said that masculinity here is still strongly tied to endurance and maintaining the appearance that all is under control. “From early on, boys are told to ‘man up’ or ‘pray harder’ so when they feel sadness, fear or exhaustion, they often believe something is wrong with them. Some aspects of our culture teaches men to cope sometimes through humour, rum or religion, rather than naming what hurts.” She said that men need healing spaces that feel natural and culturally familiar – not always clinical. “Just as women have retreats filled with yoga, pedicures and massages, men too need environments that honour their kind of healing” Ackbarali insisted. “When we meet men where they are, we give them permission to be fully human.” Beyond cultural norms, Men want to be understood With most of her sessions being done virtually, Ackbarali noted that most clients choose such sessions from their parked cars just to preserve their privacy. She emphasised, “Like most people, men don’t want fixing, they want to be understood. Creating those safe, judgment-free spaces is one of the most powerful ways to help them progress.” So is Ackbarali seeing generational differences – for instance, are younger men more open to therapy than older ones? She admitted that while she avoids sweeping generalisations, especially because emotional openness really depends on many factors, she has been seeing a shift. [caption id="attachment_1191176" align="alignnone" width="683"] The most common mental health issues affecting men include depression, anxiety, burnout and unresolved grief, often showing up as stress, anger or emotional withdrawal. -[/caption] She related, “I’ve met young men who are incredibly self-aware and emotionally grounded and I’ve also met older men who could easily be leading helping circles in their own communities.” She has observed younger and older men showing more willingness to talk, sometimes paying for multiple sessions upfront to stay committed – something she admits to not seeing often among female clients. Others refer friends and colleagues. Ackbarali disclosed that since the covid19 pandemic, she has seen men showing up differently in their relationships as some husbands have booked therapy for their spouses and sat in to offer support. Moving beyond stereotypes This year’s International Men’s Day theme Celebrating Men and Boys holds deep meaning for the mental health practitioner. When asked what it represents, she explained that the theme is “an invitation to look at men and boys through a strengths-based lens.” She believes it encourages society to move beyond stereotypes of dysfunction and instead recognise the resilience that exists within the male experience. “In my work at The Opening Lotus, I’ve seen how powerful it is when men are seen not only for their struggles but for their strengths” she said. “When we celebrate men and boys, we help them reconnect with their innate capacity for leadership and for care.” This, she noted, shifts the narrative from ‘fixing what’s wrong’ to building on what’s strong. While progress is happening, Ackbarali believes more must be done to support boys’ emotional development. Schools, she said, miss crucial opportunities by not teaching emotional literacy earlier. “We see the costs of that neglect every day in bullying, suicide, homicide and gender-based violence” she pointed out. Ackbarali suggests using creative approaches – music, storytelling, sports, cultural traditions – to help boys build the emotional tools they need to grow into compassionate men. She emphasised, “When we use what already speaks to them, we teach emotional skills in ways that feel natural, not forced. Building emotionally intelligent boys now means building safer, more compassionate men later.” Ackbarali encourages parents, teachers and communities to prioritise listening without ridicule. She emphasised that fathers and male mentors play a key role: They must model emotional maturity and show boys that “strength and softness can coexist.” She emphasised that healing spaces for men should feel organic and pressure-free: river limes, hikes, football matches, gaming sessions – activities where conversation flows naturally. She urged women to offer resources gently and allow men time to process and decide what feels right for them. To men, Ackbarali urged, “Start by helping yourself, then help another man do the same. One man’s healing can ignite another’s.”   The post International Men’s Day: Supporting men and boys appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.