Maroc - NEWSDAY.CO.TT - A la Une - 08/Dec 07:27

Reconstructing masculinity

HAZEL THOMPSON-AHYE I WRITE THIS as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women comes to an end, but the violence against women continues. Perhaps the state of emergency (SoE) prevented us from staging our usual march to commemorate those women who live perpetually in their private SoE. How many more must die? Today, my heart hurts for the family of Councillor Romona Teeneal Victor, the latest domestic violence victim and I remember my client, June Edwards, who, about 40 years ago, died in similar circumstances. My client’s husband, after stabbing her, had committed suicide by drinking poison. I had thought that the injunction granted by the court, which ordered him to leave and not re-enter the matrimonial home, would have saved her, but the law was not enough. I was inconsolable at her funeral and through my veil of tears I could see the deadpan faces of her young children, all of primary school age. The evening before her death, as she was leaving my office, she had apologised for keeping me out so late. I had told her, “Don’t worry about me. I am worried about you.” The next morning, as I entered the office, my colleague had greeted me, saying, “Your client dead. Her husband killed her. He drank poison. He dead too.” Since then I have told my clients to leave the home, even if they have to leave everything behind. “Just leave. Save your life.” But the reality is that some have no place to go. Others are so immobilised by fear, they cannot take that “giant step for (wo)mankind.” Men are not beyond redemption, but they need help. I have counselled my male clients, telling them, “If it is over, it is over. You can find love again.” After I had reprimanded one for stalking his wife, he told me that I reminded him of his primary school teacher. I confessed to him that I had been a primary school teacher. Some months later, I saw him at an event at the stadium. He hailed me out and was looking very happy, with a new lady love in tow. One of the best compliments I received was from a very troublesome male client, who told me he had changed plenty since meeting me. He had received enough buffs. His pastor had described him as “a work in progress.” Years later, he still sends me biblical tracts to encourage me to convert to his religion. Lawyers need to be responsible in their interaction with their clients. Once, when we had not reminded the judge to continue the injunction, a lawyer told his client that nothing prevented him from re-entering his home. His client went home and fractured his wife’s skull with a hammer. Years later, I helped that lawyer up when his relative had knocked him down outside the chamber court after their family property dispute. Girls need to be educated and trained to recognise the signs of an abuser. Boys, too, need that type of education and training, as they, too, can fall victim to domestic abuse. Boys need to be taught that men and women are equal but different. UWI Laboratory Pre-School taught boys and girls that important principle. That training should be replicated in all pre-schools in this country. The Domestic Violence Act has been improved over the years, but the police still do not fully recognise that domestic violence is a crime to be investigated and treated as any other crime, regardless of the lack of co-operation from the victim. When will they learn? In memory of domestic violence victims, I am submitting for publication my calypso, Ah Reconstructing Masculinity, which I wrote in honour of Prof Eudine Barriteau, principal of UWI, Cave Hill, Barbados, when I was awarded a British Council scholarship to pursue her course in gender and development studies. She had a calligrapher design the poem, then had it framed and placed on the wall of her office. She told me that when Prof Rex Nettleford visited her office and read it, he had said how much he loved it. Ah Reconstructing Masculinity Ah put mih husband hard hat on Take up he tool kit from off the ground Ah slip on he steel-tip shoe He say, “Way you going in true? Dress up in that funny gear Like you eh have better clothes to wear.” Ah take mih son by he hand Ah say, “Ah going to make him a man.”   Chorus Ah reconstructing masculinity Building a man with gender sensitivity A man who won’t beat, won’t kill, won’t hurl obscenity But will be kind and gentle and have empathy.   Verse “But why you put on mih hard hat Ah really can’t see the reason for that.” “Dat is to protect mih brain From all the stupid things people going be saying. Once you try to bring about change People like to say that you going insane Ah going to train mih son a new way And ah sure ah won’t make him gay.”   Chorus Ah reconstructing masculinity Building a man with gender sensitivity Ah confident man, who’ll clearly understand Best man for a job is sometimes a woman.   Verse “Tell mih why you put on mih heavy boot You really look like de Puss in troot.” “De heavy boot is to stamp out All the foolish ideas dat going about Dat a man must show power and dominate He must decide every woman’s fate. Ah real man doh beat up he wife and child But stands loving and supportive at dey side.”   Chorus Ah reconstructing masculinity Building a man with gender sensitivity Who know women’s place not always in the home Can be in the House of Representatives giving tone. Verse “Tell me what you want wid mih tool kit Please tell me what you gwine do with it.” “It have screw driver and it got pliers To cut out the tongues of all dem liars. Who say women don’t appreciate Men who could cook and could make good bake. Ah want a man who could show that he care In a million ways without any fear.”   Chorus Ah reconstructed masculinity Ah proud ah mih son with gender sensitivity He show love to he wife and to de children too “No outside woman,” he say, “Wifey, just me and you.”   Extra verse – 2025 Trinbago reconstructed masculinity Look around in the republic and you will see The President is a woman sweet and kind. The Prime Minister will buss yuh head and beat your behind. The Opposition Leader, a female waiting in the wings To topple the PM, she must do many things. Is time we get a woman as minister of finance We manage money better, so give we a chance. The post Reconstructing masculinity appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.