Maroc - NEWSDAY.CO.TT - A la Une - 24/12/2025 11:52

First step to ending domestic violence

'We cannot wait until a relationship becomes toxic, until a threat is made, or until the news reports another murder-suicide to respond. By then the crisis has already taken root' SUSAN SYLVESTER-BARKER TT IS facing an emotional and psychological crisis that is robbing us of our citizens. How do we fix this? Can we fix this? And most importantly, where do we begin? Our nation continues to be shaken by murder-suicide incidents involving intimate partners from every walk of life. These heartbreaking events are not isolated; they reflect a deeper, growing despair within our society. A quiet darkness is spreading, one where some individuals have come to believe that the only path to peace is to end their own lives, or, tragically, the lives of those they once claimed to love. This is not simply a crime problem. This is a human problem. A psychological crisis. A breakdown in emotional resilience, healthy coping mechanisms, and understanding of self. Advocates have been calling for stronger support for domestic violence victims, for open conversations from the ground up, real conversations that can shift mindsets and produce lasting change for both victims and perpetrators. But to create meaningful impact we must start at the root: the internal emotional and biological forces driving people toward hopelessness, rage, and destruction. To understand how we reached this point, we must first understand ourselves. Human beings are emotional, biological, and psychological creatures. Our choices, reactions, and relationships are shaped not only by upbringing or circumstance, but by powerful internal systems that most people know very little about. When a person experiences rejection, fear, abandonment, stress, or emotional overwhelm, the brain shifts into survival mode. Chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, cortisol, and hormones like testosterone and estrogen begin influencing how we perceive reality. Without proper emotional awareness, these internal reactions can cause: • distorted thinking • irrational decisions • intense attachment to the wrong people • dependency disguised as love • fear interpreted as betrayal • hopelessness that feels inescapable When these emotions go unmanaged and unaddressed, they can escalate into destructive behaviour – toward oneself or toward others. This is how conflict becomes violence, and how emotional collapse becomes tragedy. We must no longer treat emotional health as optional. It is essential to our survival as a people. Why our approach is not working We cannot wait until a relationship becomes toxic, until a threat is made, or until the news reports another murder-suicide to respond. By then the crisis has already taken root. Our society often focuses on punishment, blame, and shame. But we rarely focus on prevention, on education, on teaching people how the mind works, how to manage feelings, how to regulate the body under stress, or how to recognise the signs of emotional unravelling. Victims frequently do not understand the warning signs. Perpetrators often do not understand their own triggers. Families see changes but don’t know how to intervene. Communities observe suffering but do not know where to send people for help. This is not a failure of character. This is a failure of knowledge. Understanding the root: Emotional and biological triggers When individuals are emotionally wounded or carrying unprocessed trauma, they may interpret everyday events through the lens of fear, shame, or insecurity. A simple disagreement becomes a threat. A break-up becomes abandonment. A partner’s independence becomes disrespect. For individuals with narcissistic behaviours or traits: • control feels like safety • dominance feels like stability • validation feels like oxygen • and losing a partner feels like psychological death This is why some respond with rage, violence, or self-destruction when they lose control of the relationship. This is not an excuse; it is a warning of a deeper emotional imbalance that must be addressed earlier. If we do not understand these dynamics, how can we ever intervene effectively? So where do we begin? We begin by acknowledging that this crisis cannot be solved through law enforcement alone. We must empower our citizens with knowledge, the kind of knowledge that can reshape lives. We need: 1. Emotional literacy in schools and communities: Teach children, teenagers, and adults how their brain works, how emotions influence choices, and how to regulate themselves. 2. Trauma-informed programmes for victims and perpetrators: Both sides need guidance, support, and skilled intervention. 3. Safe, accessible support systems: Confidential, affordable, stigma-free avenues where people can seek help before a crisis unfolds. 4. Conversations that break shame and silence: If people are not aware of or cannot talk about their emotional struggles, they cannot heal from them. 5. National campaigns that focus on prevention, not reaction: The real solution is not after the tragedy; it is in the education we provide long before. Educate the horse while in the stable, not when it leaves and is galloping wild trampling on everyone in it’s path. A nation cannot heal if its people do not understand themselves We are losing sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, and partners because our people do not know how to navigate their inner world. They are emotionally overwhelmed, biologically dysregulated, and psychologically unprepared for the pressures of modern life and relationships. Until we address this, until we teach people why they feel what they feel, why they think what they think, and how to cope in healthy ways, the cycle will continue. Until we teach them a different way to live, with purpose, peace and self-love, we will continue to be emotionally imprisoned, generation after generation. It doesn’t have to be this way. This can change. And it begins with awareness. It begins with education. It begins with us. Let’s have that conversation now, for the greater good of our people. Susan Sylvester-Barker is a consultant on narcissistic abuse (ttnawh@gmail.com) The post First step to ending domestic violence appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.