Maroc - NEWSDAY.CO.TT - A la Une - 17/Jan 13:17

Toxic masculinity running amok

THE EDITOR: The proverb "it takes a village to raise a child" seems no longer widespread. What has happened to those loving children? It also begs the question: what in our society has gone wrong? What is evident from the violence that has taken hold in TT is parents afraid of their children, and a society living in fear. Barricaded in their homes behind burglar bars and security cameras, fearful of speaking up. Not helped by the fact a solution is yet to be found to stem the escalating violence. Not that there is a straightforward one. The fact, however, is that violence, abuse and killing of women, children and crime overall are perpetrated predominantly by males. I am not a psychologist, but the supposition appears that males are experiencing significant problems fitting in in today’s world. Some blame women, saying "Look what you made me do" in remorse when they abuse them. Rarely do they consider that they are fashioning themselves from their role models. Their fathers, grandfathers, uncles and peers, from whom they learned about being a "man." This, of course, means being the macho alpha male. The leader of the pack, overconfident (cocky), assertive, tough, strong, successful, brave, competitive; a car, a must-have status symbol, stereotypically "the bad boy." To be anything less – non-aggressive, meek and non-competitive – is to be a sissy. However, regardless of their believed attributes, they find it hard to express and share their feelings and vulnerability. More so for the uneducated. Often failing to resolve conflicts without becoming defensive or reactive. Lacking emotional empathy, self-constraint and having low morals result in the toxic emotions of anger, rage, frustration, shame and guilt, ultimately leading to violence. Also to be considered are their personal experiences from early family interactions. Growing up abused with no voice, they act or react from that damaged place. I won’t even go there when it comes to the misogynists and misogynist incels. Ultimately, how do we help the males as a TT society? Educational programmes should be one of the ways to alleviate what can otherwise become a perpetuating problem. And children and youths need to be equally educated and disciplined by parents. That said, males need to help themselves by recognising and willingly admitting they have a problem, a desire to initiate change and sufficient discipline to maintain that change. To self-reflect (not a masculine thing to do) or seek professional help. It is, of course, easier said than done. ROSALIND HARRIS via e-mail The post Toxic masculinity running amok appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.