Maroc - NEWSDAY.CO.TT - A la Une - Hier 09:37

It’s the thought the counts!

Kanisa George THE SEASON of gift-giving is here, a time to share merriment and good cheer. We search high and low for the perfect gift to bring joy and happiness to our loved ones' spirits. In all our fussing to make our feelings known, we get carried away by commercialism’s hypnotic tone. Suffice it to say that some of us can’t help ourselves during the Christmas season, and if you love gift-giving as much as I do, you’ll know it takes very little to get carried away. For me, the joy on my loved one’s face ignites a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. It’s a feeling so remarkable that it stays with me throughout the season, right into the chaos that the new year can sometimes bring. Most gifts come with a price tag, and often the more expensive the gift comes the expectation that it would be well received. But that isn’t always the case. As well intended as one might be, there is a strong possibility that your gift might not be well received if enough homework isn't done. And if you’re on the flip side of the narrative, you’re probably the one receiving a not-so-nice gift. It’s Christmas morning, excitement is in the air, and you’re faced with the discomfort of receiving a gift that doesn’t suit your fancy. Do you lean into the “it’s the thought that counts principle,” or is there really such a thing as a bad gift? Should we focus on the intention and sentiment rather than the material value of a gift? Or have we accepted the position that there is such a thing as a “bad gift?” I’ve had several discussions over the past few weeks regarding what some deemed to be the “obligation” of gift-giving, and what I’ve unearthed is quite astonishing. Most of my male counterparts merely participated to escape the fury of their female relatives. They didn’t put much effort into selecting a gift that suited the recipient’s needs, personalities, or wants. On the flip side, some women go a little stir-crazy in their purchases and get caught up in glamour rather than sentimentality. Crazily enough, both sexes sometimes select gifts based on what they deem appropriate without accurate checks or investigations regarding what the recipient might be interested in. This can be blamed on the fact that most people buy into the “it’s the thought that counts” principle; one that has been rebuked by recent studies. "It turns out it's not the thought that counts," says psychologist Nick Epley. "It's the gift that counts." As much as we pretend to subscribe to the former, it’s in many ways a farce. Our emotional response to receiving gifts can range from pure joy to disappointment, gratitude to guilt, and everything in between. Unsurprisingly, one of the significant factors in how we respond to gifts we receive is our expectations. Like most things, our expectations lead us to invent a narrative that might not play out in real life. So, for instance, if we receive a gift that exceeds our expectations, we’re likely to feel a surge of positive emotions. If a gift falls short of what we hoped for, we might feel disappointed – even if we try our best to hide it. Have you practised your “resting gift face?” There's no need to. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it’s your response when you receive a gift that poses confusion or questions (“Is this a gift?”) and misses the mark. But surprisingly, not all recipients usually let on. Recipients tend to reflect a strong inclination to maintain positive interactions, emphasising the importance of gratitude during gift exchanges, even when they aren’t keen on the gifts in front of them. In other words, they usually don't let on even if they don’t like the gift. In reality, it is more than the thought that counts. The impact of receiving gifts goes beyond momentary emotions. It can affect our self-worth and how we perceive our relationships. A thoughtful gift can make us feel valued and appreciated, strengthening our bond with the giver. Conversely, a poorly chosen gift might make us question our relationship with the giver, how well they know us, or how much they care. When we underestimate the value of gift-giving, we also underestimate the psychological implications accompanying gift-giving. Gifts can reinforce bonds, showcase love, and mend vulnerable relationships. They support our need to feel connected and be understood by others. When enough thought is put into the gift-giving process, it shows that you care about the recipient and cherish their bond. So, is it really the thought that counts? Or is there something far more telling in the air? In reality, several variables influence this narrative, and no viewpoint depending on the situation is necessarily wrong. What I would say, however, is that no matter the gift received or your feelings towards it, the gift of family and friends and the ability to come together, celebrate and work through all the unsavoury stuff are far more priceless than any gift under the tree. Be merry, celebrate with each other and practise your resting gift face. It might come in handy. Happy Christmas to you and yours. The post It’s the thought the counts! appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.